I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.
—Lord Byron
It is not so important for children to come to you and show you what you like or what will make you feel proud as parents. What is more important, is that they can open up to you about the things that will upset or trouble you, and know that you will still support them. Only with the power of a sense of security will they open up to you about their difficulties and worries, instead of hiding them from you.
What can lead to isolation or running away from home?
• a fear of rejection in school
• a fear of rejection by the family
• a new family configuration, such as divore, death, a new family member, or long trip
• shame or dysphoria with their sexual orientation (heterosexuality, homosexuality, transsexuality, asexuality)
• worries about their external appearance (obesity, physical deformity, eating disorders)
• an inability to express themselves (emotionally or cognitively)
• a threatening home environment (verbal or physical abuse, sexual harassment)
• a feeling of oppression (over-controlling, imposing rules and behaviours)
How to manage a teenage crisis:
• be attentive to change, discuss it with interest and not judgement
• engage in meaningful conversation, without trying to control their behaviour
• avoid getting angry, even if you think you are right. Only calm communication can be effective.
• there will be disagreements, but remember to reward them for all their positive character traits
• encourage their curiosity, so that they can feel you are with them and not against them
• separate your criticisms about academic achievements from their overall behaviour, so they do not associate their character simply to their abilities in school
• learn about teenagers with the same interest as they are learning about themselves. Do not reject them based on superficial reactions.
Most cases of teenage isolation cause significant distress for an adolescent and intervening psychologically is a matter of time. If a teenager severs all modes of communication with their family or close environment, then they might fall deeper into isolation (depression) or become susceptible to situations which will only temporarily alleviate them (smoking, substance abuse, high risk behaviour, etc). We must try to seek out psychological support so as to effectively assist with or intervene in the situation. It is important that the whole family attend a family counseling session, even if the teenager in question is in denial. This alone will be a positive step towards helping them.
If you think that you or someone you know might benefit from a session concerning teenage anxiety, depression or some other psychological disorder, get in touch to book an appointment.
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These articles are meant to be psycho-educational. They are not meant as a diagnosis or therapy tool. Their aim is to inform and educate. Article source & copyright: Evy Syrou, Cognitive Psychologist | www.evysyrou.gr
